Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Rut I am in

Remember my last post about my lack of motivation to exercise? Well, thanks for the suggestions. I appreciated them! My plan is to register for aerobics next semester...because a grade is a good motivator right? And I am going to enter to run in the Moab Half Marathon with this amazing person and that should be a good motivation as well. Holla.

And on that optimistic note, time to switch. I have realized that my lack of motivation stems deeper than just physical exercise. Last night I pretty much failed a midterm because I had no drive to really study or do the readings for it. And while I felt bad about it, I feel more guilty of what my professor is going to think.

I think I finally know what a person with a.d.d. feels like. And it's ridiculous. I can't focus when I am reading for class, I don't have any drive whatsoever to write my papers or pay attention in class. I try to focus and read Alexander Pope, and I just end up watching Keeping up with the Kardashians on netflix. What is wrong with me?! The Kardashians, really? But also, oh yeah, I'm a senior. And including the breaks I have taken to go to China and Romania, I have been doing the college thing for 5 years. I am ready to peace out!! I love BYU, and I love learning. But it seems like all my classes left are the ones I intentionally put off because they didn't seem that fun. And they're not. (Well, sometimes they are. I still love my major. And I still enjoy talking about literature all day. I'm a dork) But I am so ready to graduate. So how do I keep focus for 6 more months?

But I'll tell you what I do have motivation for: a social life. Sue me. I care more about hanging with my peeps than studying. And I have no self discipline! The best example is that it is a school night tonight. I should probably be doing homework and studying. But I'm not. I'm going to Ingrid Michaelson with Kimmy and I don't care, because Ingrid Michaelson is legit!!! (And Kimmy too) So I guess I need advice now on how to care more. Anything is welcome. And before you judge me for going to Ingrid, just watch her vid below, and you'll end up wishing you were coming with me.

So, there you go. I have a problem right now. Maybe Ingrid will inspire me tonight. Good music always does. Love you all!

(and please don't be creeped out by all the clowns in this video. It's a great song)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I want my mission body back

You're probably going "whaaa?!" Why would she want that? Don't girls who go on missions get all frumpy and fat and come home fat as well? Well, people, I don't want my brag, but this wasn't case. While I myself wouldn't say that I came home looking pretty dang good, my friends and family do say that I came home looking pretty fit (that's british for looking pretty dang good).

I felt that I had a point to prove to the world by coming home weighing less than when I started. To prove that it was possible to not gain a ton of weight on a mission. I was determined to prove everyone wrong. Take that! But proving that point turned out to be surprisingly easy.

Sure, I exercised. Well, tried to. Sometimes I was really good, when it was convenient. For example: living on the coast of the Black Sea and being able to run on the beach every morning: the best thing that could have happened. It was glorious. Then there were those dark winter months when I would roll out of bed, lay on the floor and do a few sit ups, and then lay there lifeless for the rest of "exercise time." And yet even in those dark winter months, my weight didn't sky rocket. And it's not like I was eating all healthy either. Sure, the food was fresher and luckily I had control over what I ate (no member meals three times a day, thank goodness!), but when my British companion taught me how to make english chips (as in fish and chips), I swear I made them at least 3 times a week! And what are english chips but thick french fries. Healthy? Not really.

But my point is even with all the odds against me, I was in way better shape then I am now. And it was all too easy then. I don't get it! I'm kind of trying now, but nothing is really happening. I know a lot has to do with the fact that I now spend most of my day in a chair or a desk. Doing nothing, as opposed to the mission days when I was often running desperately to catch a bus or subway train.

And it doesn't help when you have a boyfriend who loves to eat and go to restaurants as much you do. (See previous post), and who lets me complain to him how I think I'm getting a little gross and chubby but doesn't say a word or judge me as I eat another chocolate...or two. (And I wouldn't have it any other way!)

And then there is always the fact that I am now 23 and not a carefree 19 year old who can eat whatever she wants, do a little exercise and be good to go. I hate being 23! Ok not really, but in this case, most definitely.

Sorry to vent and complain and be a debbie downer, folks. But that's what is occupying my thoughts a lot lately (I blame it on my corduroy pants I wore today that always make me feel chunky.) But if you have any advice on how to get motivated and stay motivated to exercise, I welcome any suggestions! And I did go running today, so I am kind of off to a good start in writing this post. Anyway.

I love you all. Stay cool.
Hugs and kisses and rainbows,

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I have found a new favorite documentary: and it is BABIES. I watched this last week and loved it. Such a sweet theme: that motherhood and babies don't really change much, no matter where you are or what culture. It's all about the love.

My favorite was the Namibian baby because the culture was just so completely different from the others, and that baby sure had spunk! And the Mongolian baby was cool too. I just loved 'em all. But warning about the African scenes: there are a LOT of boobies, so if you can't handle it, then...well learn how to handle it, because you will be missing out if you don't watch it!!

And in honor of the fact that I will be seeing Mr. Sufjan Stevens himself perform two weeks from today (excited much? yes indeed!), here is the trailer for Babies, featuring Sufjan's musical talent. Oh, and btw: Babies is now on instant play on netflix: hit it up!

Happy rest of the week. Enjoy the Babies!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Best Blue

So, this was fun and all...

was SO much better!!! You may not be able to tell, but I think I just look happier to be chillin' in my cougar stadium. AND: we won. Hallelujah.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Pushkin almost had it right

This is one of my favorite verses of poetry. It's from Pushkin's novel written in verse Eugene Onegin. It is so lovely how he talks about love and looking for that special someone...until he ruins it by suggesting it's easier to just give up and worry about yourself. So sad! But I guess that's the kind of character Eugene was: a selfish turd (am I right, Michael Shields? you took Russian lit with me so you should know). Anyway.

But whom to love? To trust and treasure?
Who won't betray us in the end?
And who'll be kind enough to measure
Our words and deeds as we intend?
Who won't sow slander all about us?
Who'll coddle us and never doubt us?
To whom all our faults be few?
Who'll never bore us through and through?
You futile, searching phantom-breeder,
Why spend all your efforts all in vain;
Just love yourself and ease the pain,
My most esteemed and honest reader!
A worthy object! Never mind,
A truer love you will never find.

Happy weekend to all. If you have a special someone like it describes in the first part of this verse, good job! I hope you enjoy it. If you don't, then I guess take advice from the last half, and just love yourself. And know that I love you too!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Universe, You've Done it Again!

When I first got a flat tire a couple summers ago, it just so happened that my pops was in town to come and help me change it (he tried to teach me, but who pays attention to that?), AND we changed it in the parking lot of the Meadow Gold Ice Cream Factory in Orem, where a nice man saw the predicament we were in and brought us popsicles to help us out.

Yesterday, when I realized my tire was flat after driving a block down the street (I guess I had driven over a giant screw--how did that happen?!), there were two nice men right on the sidewalk who came and offered to change it. And, because they weren't trying to teach me how, they changed it way fast. But how nice was that? Moments like that remind me that I like people.

Now that I have acknowledged how lucky I am when I get flat tires, I have probably jinxed it. Next time I will be stranded on some road where I don't get cell phone service and I will have to figure it out all by myself... or just hitch-hike. But I'll just worry about that when it actually happens!

Happy Wednesday. This week is going as slow as a snail, but I'll survive. Loves.