A New Year: Another Year of Church Attendance...with my children

Ahhh, church with toddlers. It's so relaxing! So spiritual! So uplifting!  Except when it's not. Which is the majority of the time. Church with small children is so hard. So hard.

In my life, I've had a couple crises of faith (yes, I just googled to make sure I spelled the plural of crisis correctly ha), but never in those periods have I straight up lost the desire to attend church. That is, until I had small children. Call me dramatic but it's true. How it's possible that a one hour meeting can leave me feeling absolutely depleted and discouraged by my children is one of the marvels and mysteries of life. And I am not the first parent to ever say, "is it even worth it to bring my children to church?? maybe I should take a 5 year-ish break except for Christmas and Easter ;)"

2017 was a hard year for me in losing the desire to go to church. I will never forget the worst time when we were visiting a ward on Easter, and a lady turned and loudly "shhh'd" my 2 and a half year old. That really has been the only time someone has been rude to me about my kids at church, but it was hurtful enough to want to send me into inactively attending church for who knows how long. I really don't know what I would do if this kind of thing were to happen more than once, because my emotions really are egg shell fragile about it.

But with that being said, the thing that has kept me going is that on all the worst Sundays throughout the year of 2017, there was ALWAYS a tender mercy of someone coming up to me and offering me words of hope and encouragement. Yes, even in that visiting ward on Easter. On a Sunday in our ward now, Victor was giving a talk and the boys were AWFUL. And then I was teaching Relief Society later. And after my lesson, a lady came and said to me "you have had a stressful Sunday." And as she encouraged me, I lost it. I started crying right then and there. Like I said, I am just so overly sensitive about this!

So even though 2017 was a year that I lost my desire to go to church (by that I mean that I do not look forward to church and view it somewhat with dread), I did not stop going to church, and I am better for it.

Sundays are still hard and I admit that sometimes the only thing that has kept me there past the sacrament meeting is the 2 hours of nursery afterward aka a break from my kids. But I see with each passing week the impact it has on my kids, especially my 3 year old. He comes home asking questions and wanting to talk about Jesus. Yesterday he asked me what our spirits are. So even with my 3 year old, I am starting to have pretty great spiritual talks, and that would never have happened if I gave up on taking him to church.

So it's worth it. Hard, but worth it. And I hope this year will get better and maybe a little bit easier? We shall see.

Happy Sunday from Cape Kyan

i don't really know if that's my hair or the bushes in the picture, but I just like this picture

 We took a beautiful Sunday drive to the southern tip of the island, to Cape Kyan. The southern area of the island is where Naha, the big city, is and as we drove through it, we slowly saw the big buildings disappear, until we were on teeny one lane roads going through farm land and leading to the cape.

We also took a wrong turn and stumbled upon some castle ruins right on the edge of the cliffs. The ruins really were ruins. They were covered in forget-me-nots and other wild flowers.

I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday: enjoying the gorgeous weather and marveling in how absolutely gorgeous is this world that God has created. When I have these kind of moments, the words of my favorite hymn always gets stuck in my head.

I really love Sundays. Hope you have a good one too!

Sweet is the Peace

Here is a beautiful interview with the parents of one of the sweet children that passed on last week. I read a little more about them here, and they are members of my faith.


Such a powerful example to all of us. We can't help but ask "HOW?" How can they have such peace, even though they have been wronged, and their lives will never be the same?

The only answer is in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. All I can think of are the words I read so many times in my missionary manual: "All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

These last few days I have been feeling very discouraged. Discouraged that so many people still don't realize that our society's problems go so much deeper than gun control laws. I firmly believe that this nation was founded under divine guidance and blessing, and to see so many now trying to take that away and condemn it breaks my heart.

I believe whole-heartedly in the words of Ezra Taft Benson:

"Only the gospel [of Jesus Christ] will save the world
from the calamity of its own self-destruction. Only the gospel will unite men of all races
and nationalities in peace. Only the gospel will bring joy, happiness, and salvation to the
human family”

This is what I believe. I pray for our country. I pray for the world. And I pray for those who are currently suffering from all the tragedies taking place. There is still hope. There is still light in the world.  I hope we never forget that. 

Paintings of the Christ

I recently discovered the works of artist J. Kirk Richards who paints mostly religious paintings of the Savior. Maybe you have already seen his works, but he's new to me, and I just think they are absolutely beautiful, and I just had to share, especially at the beginning of the Christmas Season. If you know me, you know that I am very picky and particular about portrayals of Jesus Christ, especially with LDS artists. So, these works are ones I totally love because they are artistic and reverent, without being cheesy (read: Simon Dewey).

And, I loved this one so much, I bought a print of it to put in my home:

"That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." 

Philippians 2:10-11

It really is such a wonderful time of year to celebrate the birth of the Savior Jesus Christ. I hope you all have a beautiful Christmas season. 

Love you all!

Annie

Sunday Did Come

I love Easter. I have always loved it, but never as much as I have for the last few years.

When I lived in Romania, Easter was a bigger deal than Christmas. And it makes sense, after all. It is because there was an Easter that we even celebrate Christmas. My mom always taught me this, and Gordon B. Hinckley reiterated it when he said that without Easter, Christ's birth would have just been another birth of any other child.

In Romania for Easter, the common greeting of "good day" or "hello" is completely replaced with "Christ resurrected!" To which you respond, "True, He resurrected." You answer the phone like that, strangers say it to strangers, and even the newscasters begin their program with that.  You say it all week long. I just love that. I wish we did that here.

Whenever I express what I am happy and grateful for, it roots back to what we refer to as the "gospel." The gospel of Jesus Christ. And I love that the word "gospel" roots back to the old English word that means good news or glad tidings. At Christmas time we read of the angels who bring "glad tidings" to the shepherds. And it all is infinitely connected. The glad tidings is that He came to the world. He came to the world to do what He promised He would do. Christmas is to celebrate His lowly beginnings. Easter is to celebrate His sublime sacrifice and biggest miracle in the history of the world.

But what makes it good news is what it all means to us.

It's good news to us because it means that this life has meaning to us. This life isn't the end. We don't need to live life in despair believing that everything will come to a depressing end. We don't need to feel like there is no point to life if it all just ends anyway.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is the message that Jesus Christ came to the earth and showed us how to live life. He also came to earth to make a way possible back to God the Father, if we follow His teachings. It's the gospel of great news, because every single person is eligible for it.

But there is more to it than just the grand scale of things. The teaching of immortality and eternal life is something that is hard to grasp at times, and at other times it seems so distant from us. How does all of this benefit us in our day to day lives??

The atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ mean so much to us on the grander scale of being here on earth, but it also means so much to us on an everyday basis. It not only gives us hope for life after death, but it also gives us hope that our daily struggles are not in vain. Christ descended below all things in order to give us the help we need on a daily basis, through each and every one of our struggles.

One of the very best talks that has ever given about this was by Joseph B. Wirthlin in his talk "Sunday Will Come." He says:


"I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

"On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

"[...] On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

"It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

"I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

"But the doom of that day did not endure.

"The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

" [...] Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

"But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

"No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

"I testify to you that the Resurrection is not a fable. We have the personal testimonies of those who saw Him. Thousands in the Old and New Worlds witnessed the risen Savior. They felt the wounds in His hands, feet, and side. They shed tears of unrestrained joy as they embraced Him."


I can't really say anything else to top that, because it is absolutely wonderful. All I can say is that I know that it's true. And I know that it all happened. Jesus Christ resurrected. And He is our hope and our happiness. The best news of all.

And that's why I love Easter so much.

"Their Souls Were Sitting Up"

Two years ago this week I was in snowy Romania. More specifically, two years ago today I was traveling to the capital city for a memorial service of two of the country's young missionaries. Two young men who were working hard and quietly to teach people the gospel of Christ passed away quietly in the night from a gas leak in their apartment. It was a surreal and sad day when we found out. And yet, it was an incredibly spiritual experience that brought us closer to God and softened the hearts of the Romanian people.

Besides the death of my great-grandmother when I was a young girl, this was the closest experience I have had with death. And both times, I can't imagine what it would be like to be the person left behind without a knowledge of God's plan for us. When I was a missionary, death was a topic that was asked about all the time, because death is something that is viewed so differently throughout the world. Some look at it with fear or dread, and some embrace it as part of life.

I believe in what Russell M. Nelson taught us about death when he spoke at the funeral for one of these missionaries:

"As mortals, we think of death as premature. But from McKay's heavenly perspective, death is not premature. It is not premature for one who is prepared to meet God. Death is only premature for one not prepared to meet God. Our existence in this period of mortality allows us to get a body, to develop faith and to prove ourselves. McKay has done that. While here we weep for the loss of this dear young man, on the other side of the veil, there are tears of joy."

I just read the novel The Book Thief this week, and I haven't stopped thinking about it, especially in relation to what I just wrote about. This book is narrated by Death, and the point of view that death takes was completely fascinating. At first Death seems to view his job as some kind of sneaky game. But as the book goes on, we realize that Death is exhausted, and he is haunted by humans and what they are put through in the world. (Mind you, the book takes place in Nazi Germany, so you can imagine how hard Death was working around the clock)

In order to not completely ruin the story for you, since I assume you will read it (please do!), I will leave out names of characters. But when Death visits one of the characters to take them with him, what he says about this character was beautiful:

"His soul sat up. It met me. Those kinds of souls always do---the best ones. The ones who rise up and say, 'I know who you are and I am ready. Not that I want to go, of course, but I will come.' Those souls are always light because more of them have been put out. More of them have already found their way to other places."

I love this view on death and how it ties in perfectly with what Elder Nelson said about death and being prepared to meet God. Death is hard to cope with, and even with this divine knowledge, it still is hard to comprehend. But for those who understand God's plan for them, death is never premature, even though sometimes it seems like that, especially to us left here on earth, with our imperfect knowledge and understanding.

John Donne the poet understood this. He wrote about it way back in 1610.

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me. ....... One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally, And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

I consider myself blessed that I haven't had to lose anyone dear to me yet. It's not something I necessarily look forward to, but it's something that I am grateful for, because I know that death is not the end. And I'm happy that this life is about determining for ourselves that all of this is true. It's wonderful.

Reminiscing

About once a month the Jehovah's witness missionaries do what we would call "street contacting" on the southwest corner of BYU campus (you know, right before the stairs that constitute as "BYU property"). They usually don't try to get any conversations going, because even they know that we are all hurrying to class and work and such, although sometimes I do see people (no-doubt former missionaries) engaging in conversations with them.

This morning when I saw them I was all "oh jeez, I really hope they don't try to talk to me. It's cold, and I have to get to work." They didn't. I just took their brochure thing, and wished them a nice day, because I appreciated it when a person was nice, even if they had no interest whatsoever to hear what I had to say. And then I thought, "I wonder if people thought that when they saw me standing on a corner, "that" being 'I really hope they don't try to talk to me!'" But even if they did think that, it wouldn't stop me, because I had something important to say, and even if they didn't give a crap, I at least had to try!

And that's probably how those j-dubs feel. But honestly, what they had to say didn't offer me more than I already knew. The cover of their brochure thing was "The Five Secrets of Contentment." Thank you, but I already knew all this. I know how to be content. And I am content. Actually, I'm more than content, I am down-right happy. If I were to design a brochure for what I believe and know, the cover would say "The Five Secrets of Happiness." And then I would get all missionary at the end of it and be like "but these aren't secrets! you can have it all! Isn't that great?!"

Anyway, after all that this morning, I just thought back to all those delightful discussions I would have with so many stubborn people who loved their Bible bashing. I remember sometimes being so frustrated I could have pulled my hair out. And now I think: "but it sure was fun!" And I remember sometimes feeling so discouraged that I just wanted to quit. But I was still happy. That never changed.

Good times. And btw, for more info about getting all that happiness that I just ranted about, go here! Or here!

And a merry Christmas to you. Loves, Annie