Monday, June 18, 2012

He Says She Says: Lessons Learned in One Year of Marriage

Love On Top by Beyoncé on Grooveshark
(for your listening pleasure. I think it will enhance your reading experience)

I thought it would be fun to think about some of the things that I have learned/come to accept during this first year of my marriage. I really have learned a lot, that's for sure, and it's been a pretty good year full of highs and lows, laughter and tears, and as always, lotsa love.

And, I thought it would be extra fun if, for the first time, I invite my hubby to come on and share some of the things that he has learned as well. Maybe I'll have him participate more often if you like what he has to say.

So, here you go!

He says:

First lesson: Never get your wife kitchenware for her birthday.

Second lesson: Keep you wife happy by avoiding her becoming these three things: sleepy, hungry, or hot.

Third lesson: Saying "you're right" to your wife keeps her happy and will avoid any strife. (He was proud of this little proverb he made up)

Fourth lesson: Getting a kiss and hug every day before you leave for work is one of the greatest things ever...and a home cooked meal when you get home is pretty good too.**

**Ok so, this is a lesson that I was going to include in "she says,"  but I'll just make my comment here. I'm not one to give into that notion that being a perfect wife involves always having dinner on the table. Sometimes he makes dinner, and sometimes I have no desire to make dinner, so we eat Mac 'n Cheese. The lesson is that if you want to do something nice for your husband that really will be appreciated, making dinner for him really is a very simple thing to do. 

Fifth lesson: paying bills totally sucks, but if feels good knowing that I am providing for my family.

She says:

Maybe you'll have crazy dreams about your spouse leaving you or doing something else that makes you mad or breaks your heart. (I don't know why, but I've had like one of these every three months or so.)And since they are the first person you see in the morning, it's fresh in your head. The lesson is that you need to remember to not be mad at them for something that never happened.

Maybe you'll be sick and throwing up in the night. Remember how your mom would have an amazing ability to hear you and come to comfort you and hold your hair back? Well, husbands don't always have that ability and instead they stay soundly asleep. The lesson is that you shouldn't be upset at them for that.

And one of the most important things I have learned this past year is that men are just as vulnerable as women are. I think I had this assumption that men are naturally the opposite of women, meaning that I could say something harsh and that it would roll off his back or something. I know. Not cool. Just recently I heard something from Zoe Saldana on "The Conversation" (such a good show, btw) that said perfectly what I am learning as a married person:

"Part of being equal is being really equal in every sense of the word. It's not just equal in that you treat me equal for me — it's equal for them. [Men] are extraordinary creatures and sometimes we deprive them of their own battles. They are entitled to having their daddy issues. They were exposed to a certain life growing up. They have their own nightmares. Women, we have the power of the word, and we can make or break a man with just a sentence. To abuse that power makes you just as crippled as men who abuse women."

So, so true. I'm still learning this lesson, for sure.

And one last lesson:
If you find a guy that will help with dishes every night, will clean the toilets, put up with any and every kind of mood swing and still love you, and always kiss you goodbye every single morning, then you have found a keeper.

Oh, and one last last thing, because my girl Beyonce sums up perfectly what a marriage is all about:

"It's not perfect, but it's worth it."

Happy one year to us!


  1. this is sooooo adorable! I heart you guys :) Happy One Year!!

  2. I freaking love this post more than anything! We need to compile a book of things we've learned being married and then make it cute and then give it to people as a wedding gift.

  3. I love this post! I have been happily married for 35 years and can honestly say that you and Victor have nailed it! You're such quick learners! :) If only every young couple could learn these lessons as quickly as you two have AND live by them; the divorce rate would be reduced substantially! You're on the road to much love and happiness. Congrats!