30 Weeks and My Second Baby Worries

THIRTY Weeks. Is it just me, or did that just come sooo fast?!

Here's what the baby bump is looking like these days...

And of course my little sidekick joined me in the photo shoot. 

This pregnancy has flown by because it has been so much easier than my pregnancy with J. Before I was feeling movements, I was seriously doubting I was even pregnant haha. But it's definitely happening. And if I had to describe how I'm feeling, all I can say is this: ROLLER COASTER.

One moment I am so excited and am all, "yeah, I think I can handle this whole two kids under two thing. It will be fun!" And then there are the moments where my baby is exhibiting toddler craziness and I think "WHAT WAS I THINKING." One of my instagram friends has two boys that are 15 months apart and her "advice" was this: hang on for dear life. One of my other friends asked me if I'm prepared to keep two kids alive. My response was that keeping them alive is the easy part. All that involves is keeping them fed. My concern is not losing my sanity and messing them up for life.

But the thing that concerns me most is trusting the fact that I will love both these children equally. Because that is something that I just don't know how that is all going to happen.

When I found out I was pregnant (feels like forever ago!) I remember immediately feeling guilty...maybe scared...that I would love J less because I was wanting a baby so badly. And then in those moments of pure bliss with J--meaning when he is just such a joy, which is way more often than not--I found myself wondering how it is it at all possible for me to love another kid as much as J. He is just such a happy, friendly, easy going, lovable kid, so what if the next kid isn't like that?

And then of course, with J coming into toddlerhood, he definitely has his moments where he tests me and pushes me to the edge, and I'm once again feeling bad that I'm looking forward to a little baby that just does whatever I want and is content to just cuddle on my lap. Like I said: ROLLER COASTER!

With my first pregnancy, I had said that choosing to become a mother was a leap of faith for me, because I was never a baby hungry person who couldn't wait to have kids. I'm feeling like having this second baby is once again a leap of faith but of a different kind. Everyone always says how easy it is to love your children equally, but since it hasn't been something I've experienced, I'm just trusting it will happen. That while I say I hope this baby boy is as easy-to-love as J, I am putting my faith in the fact that I will love him just as much.

I still can't comprehend how it all happens, but I've seen it countless times with everyone I know with multiple children, my own mother included. And I sure love my little toddler, so just going on that, this new baby boy is so loved already.

More glimpses of The Cottage

We had Victor's parents visit for Labor Day, and it was so nice having them here. Victor's stepdad helped us with so many projects around the house, they played with J, and Victor and I got to go on a date. So I'm feeling a little better about the state of our house--meaning there are no more moving boxes in the house! So here are a few more glimpses into our little cottage. 

The front porch: I still want to do more to make it a place to hang out and relax, but it's much more inviting now than before.

Entryway: 

Other side of entryway. I don't know what to put on these shelves! Especially since a toddler will come through and probably destroy it. 

Another view of the kitchen. I'm trying to embrace this room, but it is the most difficult. That counter space you see there is the only counter space there is for cooking and stuff. We've had to do a lot of Ikea purchasing for some portable counter things. That door leads to our laundry room and J's itty bitty room. How we are going to fit two kids in there is intimidating me!

And the playroom/guest bedroom/Victor's kind of man cave since our tv is in there/etc. This room is right off the living room which is why we decided to not have the baby sleep in there.

It always feels so nice to make a house a home. Despite the annoyances of living in an old house, we are really loving this little cottage.

Glimpses into The Cottage

I call our little Monterey house "The Cottage" because that is exactly what it feels like. It's an old house, so while it has lots of old house details that give it charm, it also has old house lack-of-modern conveniences like a dishwasher, disposal, and only one bathroom with a claw foot tub, which so many people on the internet think is so charming, and it looks charming, but showering and trying to keep the floor dry can be tricky. 

A few days ago we finally got all our stuff that had been in storage so we can finally start truly unpacking. But it definitely is overwhelming! We have to be ultra organized because of lack of closet space, and we have a one year old who loves to throw things out of drawers when you're trying to put stuff in, or put stuff in boxes when you're trying to take things out which makes it more exhausting!

So slowly but surely, it's coming together. And while I still feel like there is lots to do (because there is), these are some spaces in the house that when I look at them it helps calm me from the areas of disaster that are out of the camera frame!

Living room:

Kitchen:

And a little boy's room, photobombed by a cute little boy:

It's definitely been a slower process for decorating, but it's coming along. You have to start somewhere and these little spaces are giving me hope to persevere!

We are grateful for our little cottage. Stay tuned for more updates as we make progress.