Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Rut I am in

Remember my last post about my lack of motivation to exercise? Well, thanks for the suggestions. I appreciated them! My plan is to register for aerobics next semester...because a grade is a good motivator right? And I am going to enter to run in the Moab Half Marathon with this amazing person and that should be a good motivation as well. Holla.

And on that optimistic note, time to switch. I have realized that my lack of motivation stems deeper than just physical exercise. Last night I pretty much failed a midterm because I had no drive to really study or do the readings for it. And while I felt bad about it, I feel more guilty of what my professor is going to think.

I think I finally know what a person with a.d.d. feels like. And it's ridiculous. I can't focus when I am reading for class, I don't have any drive whatsoever to write my papers or pay attention in class. I try to focus and read Alexander Pope, and I just end up watching Keeping up with the Kardashians on netflix. What is wrong with me?! The Kardashians, really? But also, oh yeah, I'm a senior. And including the breaks I have taken to go to China and Romania, I have been doing the college thing for 5 years. I am ready to peace out!! I love BYU, and I love learning. But it seems like all my classes left are the ones I intentionally put off because they didn't seem that fun. And they're not. (Well, sometimes they are. I still love my major. And I still enjoy talking about literature all day. I'm a dork) But I am so ready to graduate. So how do I keep focus for 6 more months?

But I'll tell you what I do have motivation for: a social life. Sue me. I care more about hanging with my peeps than studying. And I have no self discipline! The best example is that it is a school night tonight. I should probably be doing homework and studying. But I'm not. I'm going to Ingrid Michaelson with Kimmy and I don't care, because Ingrid Michaelson is legit!!! (And Kimmy too) So I guess I need advice now on how to care more. Anything is welcome. And before you judge me for going to Ingrid, just watch her vid below, and you'll end up wishing you were coming with me.

So, there you go. I have a problem right now. Maybe Ingrid will inspire me tonight. Good music always does. Love you all!

(and please don't be creeped out by all the clowns in this video. It's a great song)


  1. I so know how you feel. My issue was deciding what I wanted to do with my life. I did the pre requirements for nearly every major. I lost my will to do school and felt like I would rather be any where else but class. Now I have two little motivators and I can't wait to get back to school and finish my chosen major. I'm not saying make a baby, but you do need to find something that makes it worth it to you. Like an end goal, other than just graduation. Like an awesome job! Good luck finishing, and stay focused! I envy you for knowing what you want and making it happen, but also having a few adventures along the way.

  2. You forgot the element of being a complete spazoid and having too much energy, only to have it fade away in the blink of an eye in your description of ADD. But hey, that's forgivable.
    Just like cherish the time you still have in school. And it's no crime to have a draining social life, enjoy that while it lasts, because once you're out of school and you're married and have kids guess what happens to your magical social life? It's magically schlorped into the abyss! Do anything but flunk and you'll get through school fine.