Sunday, October 7, 2012

My View from Saturday: Sister Missionaries

Happy Sunday!

We are enjoying the weekend watching general conference. I especially love that today it's rainy and cozy. Perfect for conference.

I've been thinking a lot about the events of yesterday. I was "live tweeting" during conference which I really enjoyed, but I found myself having a lot more to say that twitter's 140 characters would allow. And then I remembered that I have a good old blog that I feel like I have neglected.

Yesterday, the church announced that female members can now serve a mission as early as 19 years old instead of 21, which is pretty big news. I, personally, was not too surprised by the announcement---in my opinion, it's been leading up to this by small steps, including the change in wardrobe of sister missionaries which I think is a big deal, since the thought of wearing frumpy ugly clothes was one of the "cons" of a mission to me ha ha. I myself was ready to go on a mission when I turned 20, and waiting a year was kind of a pain. I do believe that more women will serve LDS missions now, which I'm all for, since my mission was such a definitive part of my life. I don't want to sound boastful, but I really am proud of the fact that I served a mission. It was a big accomplishment for me.


So with that excitement, naturally there is some excitement shared by others that just kind of rubs me the wrong way. There are countless jokes about BYU campus having a girl drought now, and not so joking feminist comments that finally LDS girls will stop get married so young. And countless tweets from women about how they definitely would have gone years ago instead of getting married and immediately birthing children. These are two particular tweets from a couple of pretty popular LDS bloggers (and I should probably mention that neither of these women actually served missions)

"It sets a new narrative for Mormon women. It's no longer if you're not married, then serve. It's go for it!! Love."

"Girls, you can do it all! Go on a mission! Get an education! Have babies! I love this day. No longer an either/or."

.......

BARF.

.......

As a daughter and granddaughter of women who managed to serve missions, get an education, and have many babies, I never EVER was aware that this choice was an "either/or." And you want to know what bothers me the most?? The fact that the LDS church has NEVER made it be an either/or. It's all these LDS women who put that implication on themselves. And then these Mormon feminist women start going off that it's just so unfair that it has been like this for so long. wah wah wah.

I can't stand it. I just don't get it. I wanted to serve a mission, and I never felt that leaving at age 21 was making me an old maid who was risking "having it all." Maybe if the church rule was that girls couldn't serve until age 30, then would I agree to the ridiculous claim that "if you're not married, then you go on a mission." It bugs me so bad.

And just because you change the age limit doesn't mean that every single girl is going to go on a mission now. Missions are not for everyone, and with so many young women, they know that it just isn't for them. AND THAT'S JUST FINE. Why should girls feel pressured now to serve just because of an age change? They shouldn't. I just wish LDS women (particularly the feminists) would stop criticizing and judging each other for the personal choices women have made. I would be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of this. I'm not perfect. But I really try to not do it, because who am I to criticize someone's dream of happiness, even if that means having multiple babies before even reaching the legal drinking age?

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a forum led by the writer/blogger (and writer of one of the above tweets) Joanna Brooks. She is definitely a Mormon feminist, and at some point in the forum q&a, all of a sudden I was hearing multiple young Mormon women complaining about how the church had wronged them, by supposedly implying all they were good for was being a mother. I couldn't believe my ears, because in all my years growing up in the LDS community, I never felt like this. And I genuinely felt sorry for them, that they thought that was such an insult anyway. (you can read more about this discussion on Sarah's blog)  I'm not a mother yet, and it's because I know I'm not quite ready. And I know that it's an even harder thing to do than going on a mission, so I have genuine respect for women who are so ready for it. Because it still scares and intimidates me.

I guess my point in all this ranting, is that women need to back up off each other, and recognize that we are all so completely different. We all make different choices on what's going to make us happy, and as women, we need to support each other all the more. And with all this, I guess I need to remember even more that I believe the religion I take part in is Jesus Christ's perfect gospel. But that certainly doesn't mean that the members of the religion are perfect. So let's just try to be patient with each other, ok? I'm trying, but it's hard sometimes.

And as one final word, if any of you are still wondering or feeling whether the LDS church views women in any lesser form, all you need to do is watch or read this, and that should clear it up. I'm so grateful to know that I am a daughter of God, and I am so grateful to take part in a church that teaches me of this love and of my divine potential. What a blessing and a joy.

12 comments:

  1. I just wrote a really long comment and it DIDN'T POST!! Arg!

    Anyway, basically I was just saying that I got a little teary when they announced the change at the thought that perhaps it would have meant that I could have served a mission, and then I remembered that I prayed about it as I was nearing age 21 and it was clear to me that it was not the Lord's plan. Maybe that would have been different if I had been able to go at 19, but maybe not. Either way, we can't play the "poor me" card when such an exciting thing is announced!

    Also, I wonder sometimes what circumstances may have been different for those who feel that as women they are "lesser" members in the church. I have NEVER felt that way- quite the opposite actually. Maybe it was great young women's leaders or family environment or who knows what else, but I have never felt less respected, useful, loved or valuable in the church because I am a woman. I'm grateful for that.

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    1. So true holli. I was thinking about whether the fact that there were so many girls in my family having something to do with the way I view things. We never were treated differently from boys, so I never really noticed things that others call "unfair"

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  2. "Some rich dude's house" (as Sarah put it on her blog) where you went for Joanna Brooks is my former employer. I rarely attend events at his house anymore for that reason: the conversation invariably heads in a very liberal anti God and inspiration-led Church direction. I don't need that in my life.

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  3. Dude... I think the change is cool. And I think missions are cool. And I always wanted to go on a mission... but then I got married blah blah blah blah blah. But to be completely honest, when I was a freshman in college, I was DYING to go on a mission. And I couldn't because only daughters of mission presidents could go at 19 at that time (which I think is REALLY weird but whatever)... but by the time I was finally "old enough" to go, my life had gone a different direction (getting married) which I realize I could have chosen not to get married if I really wanted to go, but then how do you say, "No thanks to Your plan, because I have my own plan..."

    The moral of this post is.... I legitimately felt like it was the perfect time when I was 19 so too bad I wasn't born ten years later... but good news for future everyone because that is awesome, but I'm nervous that so many girls will feel pressured to go now when they don't really want to...

    I like that you are posting about this though because it's a discussion I'm dying to have with a million people over and over and over again.

    Also, I always thought it was the awesomest that you went on a mission. When Jenn told me, I was like "whathhtaT?!" because I didn't expect it and was totally jealous. the end.

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    1. I have never heard about that rule about mission presidents daughters! Seriously? That's weird.

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  4. I totally get your point Annie. Like you said, everyone is different and it makes me so upset when people try to standardize big decisions like going on a mission or having children or getting married. They are all very personal decisions and it's between each person and Heavenly Father.
    And I think the new announcement rocks!

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  5. I LOVE THIS POST.
    I can't even tell you how impressed i am for your mission service. I completely look up to women that choose to serve. Honestly, it shocks me that people still feel like having children is a "burden" or they are forced by the Mormon culture to get married young and have kids. Isn't everyone given agency to make those choices? You get the opportunity which life path you choose to take. Loved reading this post.

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    1. So true. I swear every thing always boils down to AGENCY. all the time.

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  6. Very well said Annie! I started crying when they made the announcement. My Daughter started high school this year and does not want to go to college. We have tried to tell her how important it is for her to get a good education. She wants to be a writer and feels she can without a college education. When we asked her about a mission she said she had thought about it and thinks she wants to go. My hope for her is that she will prepare more now to serve a mission and hopefully that will give her the break from school she needs to realize how important it will be to come home and get an education, not to mention the spiritual growth that comes from a mission! With this new change, she can put her papers in just a few months after she graduates high school!

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  7. I love this! And I totally agree that you can definitely do it all... there is no either/or, and God has a DIFFERENT plan for everyone. (My annoyance comes in when people think that because I'm almost 24 I should have like 5 kids. Grr.)

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  8. perfect, annie. no other comment necessary.

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